Watch Me
by MissJolene
Summary: Love, don't doubt it, dont forget it. Its the only thing keeping Angel and Buffy together, and alive. Hopefully it lasts Please R&R, first story.
1. Found bound, then broken

Sitting in her room all alone, Buffy Summers, the slayer and hopeless romantic, decides she needs to move on with her life. So what if Angel decided that being with someone else was a better use of his time then frolicking around with his should-be enemy the slayer? She shouldn't have to be feeling this way, he's the one missing out. "Right", she says out loud to reassure herself. Its funny how it never actually works out that way. She never really can feel completely reassured that everything is going to be fine, after all, he had chosen Anya, Xander's ex fiancée and demon, over her. That ought to put a dent in one's ego, for sure.

She can still remember that day, walking into Angel's hideout after a night full of slaying…

***

"Well, looks like you're nothing more then dust in the wind darling", Buffy says as she finishes slaying the last of the vampires that attacked her. She spun around on her heel and started to walk towards Angel's, she had decided that it was time she worked hard enough for one night, she was in need of some serious relaxation time with her hunk.

Walking up to the entrance to his crypt was always somewhat therapeutic, she always knew that what was waiting for her inside was going to make her feel better no matter what had happened that day. He always knew how to make her feel better. "To knock or not to knock…Nah! He needs a little excitement in his life", she said as she approached the heavy door. Its not like he was going to get angry anyways, seeing her was always his best part of the night, so he said.

She was just about to yell his name after opening the door when she heard something that was very odd for this hour. It sounded like a moan, a moan belonging to a very familiar blond demon. What was even more weird, she was moaning Buffy's beau's name. Buffy strained to hear further.

"Baby, you know I like it when you do that", came Angel's rough voice

"Do what? This.." Came Anya's playful Barbie-doll voice in response

There was no more talking after that, just a few low moans and a few high-pitched annoying little giggles coming from Anya. Buffy didn't know what was going on, but she had a good idea, and she sure as hell wasn't going to stand around and listen any longer.

Without making to much noise, Buffy slipped though the small hallway and around the corner to where she saw the pair of them. She couldn't make a sound. Her heart had to have stopped beating for a few seconds, before it fell into her stomach. She felt as though she was going to puke, her breathing had completely stopped and she felt numb. The scene here was way too much for her. This place that used to be her and Angel's sanctuary, the place they spent all those long hard nights, the place she lost her virginity to him, where he turned into the monster Angelus, was now spoiled. Angel was tied to the bed they shared together most nights, Anya in front of him with her hands travelling all over his body. Both were completely naked, and both unaware of her presence.

Angel was the first to see her once he opened his eyes. He laid there for a few seconds like a deer in headlights. He managed to blink a few times as if seeing her there wasn't really registering in his mind quite yet. She wasn't ready to say anything to him, so waiting was the only thing she could really do. She stood there and stared at him, she was sure her facial expression was one that would explain what she was feeling at that very moment.

Standing there was starting to make her feel like a fool, Anya was still working her "magic" on him, and he sure wasn't saying much. She started to get this weird feeling in the pit of her stomach, something she hadn't felt in a really long time, something she didn't want to feel. She knew, and it was coming. Why he wasn't saying anything, why he barely even moved when he saw her, he didn't care. It was something that he meant to do, not a mistake. There was going to be no explaining from this one, no excuses, no dark magic that made him and her act this way. It was just as simple as willingness between the two.

It was in that exact moment that she felt it, she felt it more now then ever before. In the few seconds that they had been staring at each other, he had tore her apart from top to bottom. Without saying one word.


	2. Unexpected Company

So why should she really care, right? It's not like he had shown he had cared. After that night, he hadn't even so much as dropped by to let her know she was in grave danger or she was going to die or anything. Like, what was that? The least he could do would be to drop by and tell her it was over for good, but men will be men, or vampires. Whatever, it didn't matter to her. She was the slayer, she had her duties and she had NO time for any drama that has to be with her broken heart. Maybe she still needed to vent. She picked up the phone and called Willow.

"Hello?" Willow's voice was always a comfort. That's the effect her best friend always had on her.

"Hey Will, Its me"

"Oh, Buffy. What are you doing up at this hour?"

"I could say the same for you. Listen, I'm sorry to call so late but I'm having a hard time with this Angel and Anya thing."

"Yeah I know you are Buffy, but it's been 2 weeks already and we haven't seen either of them since this whole thing happened. Don't you think maybe you should just let it go?"

"I can't. There is something just not right about it, there was no warning, no signs. Nothing."

"Look Buff, he was just a stupid guy, doing a stupid thing alright. I'm tired, goodnight". Willow hung up.

It was always so hard for Buffy to try and convince her friends that this was not like Angel. For one Xander never really liked him to begin with, and now that its Anya that Angel has laid his eyes on everyone is upset. Buffy never expected them to understand how she felt, but she'd like to have some comfort. It seemed there was a shortage of that now.

Hopping out of her bedroom window had lost the thrill. Buffy guessed it had come from loosing her mother, now there was nobody there to really make her stay inside. It seemed to her that she was loosing everyone now. Her mother had died, Angel had betrayed her, and now all her friends had turned their backs on her due to her behaviour. It felt almost like she was getting backs turned on her everywhere she went. Remembering what Kendra had said, and all of her prophecies, it was her fate. She would die alone. She was supposed to be alone to begin with, not to mention falling in love with a vampire-gone-good? That has to have _some sort of Karma attached to it._

_Hearing her own footsteps always felt so calming, the rhythm just seemed to swallow her and leave her at peace. Tonight though, it was a different story. She felt some sort of de ja vu, but a weird kind. Like something was happening over again, but it wasn't something she was doing, it was something somebody else was doing at that very moment. It was unusual, she could feel something, something in her stomach. It was churning and doing flip flops. It felt almost like she was doing a million back flips at once. Her breath started to shorten, and she felt her arms and legs begin to weaken and become numb. She stopped walking, she could finally place this feeling. It was exactly what she was feeling that night when she walked in on Angel and Anya. She could even feel Angel's eyes burning into hers as she watched him without a sound. _

_She dropped to her knees, this was way to much to handle. The tears were pouring down her face, it felt like dam had just burst in her tear ducts. She hadn't cried once since she'd seen them together, not once. She had to be strong, letting emotions stand in the way of her slaying was way to dangerous to risk. She was laying on the sidewalk just letting them pour out. The breakdown was long overdue for her, and she felt as though she needed to complete it to be able to get past this, to move on, but she knew in her heart this wasn't going to end anytime soon. The hurt that she could feel was still as fresh as it was 2 weeks ago when she saw them together, and at this moment, it was even worse. Getting angry at herself, she got up off the cement and continued walking. She held herself, almost as if she was going to fall apart if she let go. She didn't want to fall apart, she couldn't. She had to stay strong._

_Trying to concentrate on her footsteps, she thought about what could have happened if she didn't walk in on them. Was it the first time? Was it the last time? Had they been together the whole time and she just hadn't come across it yet? She started walking faster. Was he even going to tell her? Was this just some stupid fling? Was she not satisfying enough? She started running, pumping herself at full force. Why did he do it? Didn't he love her anymore? She couldn't stand it anymore. She stopped and let out a loud cry of agony. A sudden feeling of overwhelming hatred washed over her and made her stop. It was to unusual to be from this whole situation, and living on the hell mouth had taught her to always be aware for these strange things. She looked around for any possible attacks, but nothing was there. It was just her and her tear-streaked face, but something still felt wrong, too wrong. That's when she heard it, a faint whisper almost like the wind, but it was still there._

" _Buffy, I need you Buffy. I love you, Help me."_

_Even with the faintest whisper, Buffy could pick that voice out anywhere, Angel. She strained to hear something else, but there was nothing but the wind now._

_She shook her head, harder then harder. She had to be going crazy. No word from him since that night, nobody had seen him since then, heard about him since then, and suddenly he's calling for her and telling her he loves her after being caught with another woman? No way. Not happening. In the middle of the debate she was having with herself, the feeling came back again. It crept into her stomach again, but this time instead of giving her the sick feeling, she got butterflies, and she felt warm. She felt good, almost like she was being comforted. Then she felt it, the burning sensation in her heart, the one that told her exactly who it was even if she couldn't see them._

_The one that told her it was Angel._


	3. Could it be

**The morning after, Buffy felt haunted. Not only haunted, but crazy. What kind of a person felt their ex boyfriends presence around them, and actually heard them talk to them in their heads? She had to be having some sort of a mental disability or something because that was just NOT happening.**

**She got up and opened her blinds, but froze. She hadn't left her window open last night, she made sure to shut it and came in through the front door, but there it was wide open. Her slayer reflexes kicked in and she crouched a bit and looked around, it appeared that nothing had moved. She made her way down the hallway and stairs to her front room. Every window had been opened, and the radio in the kitchen was playing music. Music that sounded like it had came from the 1800's. She quickly shut all the windows and went back upstairs to her room to investigate further. "Okay, I'm officially spooked. You can come out now. I'm NOT in the mood for games right now", she said out loud. Before she had time to wait for a reply she knew she was probably not going to get, something caught her eye.**

**In the corner of her room was the drawing of her face Angel had done so long ago, when she was asleep. Suddenly, she had the feeling again, this time it was a sickening feeling and it knocked her to her knees. This was from when he was Angelus, the brutal vampire. He snuck into her house through the windows. There was no way this was some strange coincidence, all her windows being open and this drawing. Something was going on, and she had to find out what it was.**

*******

"**Well Buffy, I think that maybe you're just being a little bit paranoid. That's all" Giles said to her after she explained what was going on**

"**But Giles, seriously, there isn't anyone around who would do this. This has to mean something" She replied**

"**Listen Buffy, I know you're feeling hurt over this whole Angel/Anya thing, but really. You're over reacting. There is nothing going on. He's just moved on, and I think its time you do the same"**

"**But listen to me -"**

"**No, Buffy I think Giles is right, you're hurt and we understand that, but its time to get over it", Willow said from the other side of the shop "You are getting really obsessive, and frankly I don't like it. You need to lay off"**

**Buffy was lost for words. Her friends had never treated her like this before, not even when Angel turned back into the demon he was once before. Why had they become so cold? She didn't have a clue what to say now. It seemed she was alone on this one, so feeling hurt and abandoned she decided she should take a walk. "I'm just going to go take a walk, I think I'm coming down with something. I need to get some air" She said to the gang once she had turned her back on her way out.**

"**Okay Buffy", came Willow's reply "Just remember, STOP looking around."**

**Something about Willow's response struck Buffy as a bit odd, she didn't sound like her best friend anymore. Then something hit her, it was different from the feelings she felt when she thought about Angel. It wasn't love, anger or hurt. It was friendship, friendship of the warmest kind. She started to get dizzy, and lost her footing.**

"**Are you okay , Buffy?", said Willow**

"**Uh, yeah sure Will, just a little woozy I guess", She replied. Instead of getting up and leaving, she waited and studied Willow's face. There was something off about her, she was hiding something. It wasn't the kind of thing like when your best friend likes your boyfriend and she's trying to hide it, or when she knows there is going to be a surprise birthday party for you, this was something different. Something way different, and it seemed way dangerous just by the feelings Buffy got in her stomach.**

**When it seemed there wasn't going to be any heart-to-heart chat or confession from Willow, Buffy decided it was time to get up and leave. She needed to get out and clear her head. These feelings were overwhelming, they were coming from deep down inside her. She didn't know what they were, but she needed to find out. That was for certain. She ran things through her head again, Angel had slept with Anya, that was for sure. He hadn't been seen since that evening she caught him, and all of her friends were abandoning her. She was in the midst of trying to work things out in her head so they made more sense when she slammed into something, or someone. A blonde rush of curls around her face brought back memories of that night. Seeing her petite frame spread across Angel's fully exposed body, his hands entwined in that luscious blonde hair, face filled with ecstasy. The moment he opened his eyes, she could see her face. Eyes not completely shut, but fluttering with enjoyment. Her full breasts were a perfect mirror image. Buffy couldn't stop staring at the emptiness Angel had in his eyes, it was like every spark that had ever set them on fire was completely out, all she could see was her. **

**Buffy's heart sank when she heard the words from the voice she'd been fearing for a long while.**

"**Hey, Buffy. Uhh…I'm sorry for running into you, gotta go!" Anya's anxious voice filled her ears. Before she knew what was happening, her arm whipped out and grabbed Anya by the throat, it was almost like someone else had completely taken over her body. "Where is Angel!" ,she demanded while holding Anya hostage against the rough brick of the side buildings.**

"**Buffy, let go of me!" Anya said while trying to free herself, apparently she still hadn't gotten used to the fact that Buffy was the slayer, and therefore had more strength then most demons.**

"**Where is he Anya! What did you do to him!"**

"**What are you talking about Buffy? You're completely delirious"**

"**Angel was mine Anya, all mine. He loved me. There is NO way in all of HELL that he would ever want anything to do with you, of ALL people definitely not you. You need to tell me what you've done"**

"**Look, I didn't do anything, and I'm sorry your hurt but I really think its time to get over yourself. How long do you think you were going to keep hold on such a vampire like Angelus?"**

" **In about two seconds your face is going to go through that window to my left unless you tell me what happened"**

"**I'm going to guess he got sick of your stupid 'oh poor me, I died' antics and moved on to someone who is more like him, me being ex demon of course" Anya finally got herself free, and spun on her heel. "If it makes you any happier Buffy, I haven't seen him either". Anya finished as she stormed off.**

**It took Buffy a few seconds to collect all of her thoughts after that. Angel picked a dirty DEMON because they were more alike? AS IF. Something wasn't right about this, there had to be an explanation. Why hadn't Anya seen him either? That means that something was up, not to mention Anya said "Angelus" instead of Angel. Does that mean…? No it couldn't. There is no way Anya could have given Angel total happiness once again, enough to unleash his demon, it was only her, Buffy Summers, who had that effect on him. It couldn't be possible, but what other explanation did she have?**


	4. Plagued

"It's not true, it can't be, no no no no no!", Buffy tried to assure herself as she walked out from behind all of the buildings downtown Sunnydale. After all the things he had ever said to her, all the times he told her she was the only woman that could ever make him feel that way, and then this happens? What does that say about their relationship? Was everything a lie? She just couldn't wrap her head around it, with all the drama and heart break these 2 past weeks this was becoming just way to much for her to handle.

The sun was setting as she walked along the deserted streets looking for a good pummel, she hadn't let her frustration out in a very long time. She found herself in a grave yard feeling ashamed of herself, she never felt like this. Slaying was her duty, she always just thought of it as a full time job. Tonight she wanted to find them, and she wanted to hurt them. She didn't want to be dutiful and kick and slay, she wanted to kick like living shit out of one of them just so someone else could feel her pain. She was in the middle of wondering if it would be possible to rip a Vamp's heart out and stick it in front of their face when she got a very hard blow to the back of her head.

"Its about time, I was beginning to think all you dead guys had deserted me!", she said as she roundhouse kicked the Vamp in the head. She kicked him harder in the stomach and watched him fly backwards, for some reason this made her feel a lot better. She started to move faster, kicking and punching like there was no tomorrow and this was the only vampire that was left to fight. She fought harder and harder and the harder she kicked the more tears spilled down her cheeks. In the middle of throwing a very hard punch to the side of the Vamp's head, she felt something in the pit of her stomach again. The sickness, the tingly sensation that something was going to happen, but it didn't. Instead her legs gave out, and she was sent flying through the air by a more then pissed off vampire.

She felt her head smack off of something solid and cold, and then it hit her. That feeling, the exact same feeling she felt the other night, and the exact feeling she was left with after seeing Angel and Anya together. This time it was getting stronger and stronger, she became distracted from the vampire who was currently pulling her up by her hair and getting ready to throw her once again. She tried to find her stake, but she was to unfocused and thrown off by the feelings that she couldn't get proper grip. She found herself flying through the air and landed just in time to see something she had never seen before, a vampire glitch.

It was the most subtle thing, but it was definitely there. What happened was such a surprise that all the feelings of Angel's betrayal left her completely and she found her stake. After dusting the vamp, she turned around to see what she had been thrown up against so many times. What she was standing in front of gave her the worst feelings, it was Angel's.

Standing there staring felt like a hundred years had passed since the last time she was there, back when things were normal between them (if that was even possible). Back when he loved her, and she loved him. They were meant to be together, totally and completely in love. She remembered that night, as if it was just a few minutes ago. Angel, holding her so tight, lightly caressing her hands as she talked to him about her problems with the latest demons she'd been trying to get rid of, and her problems with her friends. She always knew she could count on him, anytime she needed someone, anytime she needed comforting he was there. He was always there for her, but not now. "Not anymore", she had to remind herself. Taking a walk down memory lane was not a good idea right now, not with the situation and the location.

Buffy took a step forward and willed herself to reach for the door handle. The metal latch felt warm under her hand, too warm. Almost as if someone had just had their hand on it before her, but that was impossible. She hadn't seen anyone around since the last vampire who decided to pick a fight with her. It didn't seem right, but she willed it away from her mind. There was no use in fussing over something that seemed so insignificant, if she told her friends they'd probably just go on another rant about her being so pathetic and her need to get over this whole Angel deal. She turned the handle and pulled. A gust of hot air pushed all her hair away from her face, and she began feeling a bit faint. Something wasn't right about this, and she could sense it.

After taking a few steps forward she expected it to get a bit cooler, instead it did the exact opposite and began to become a lot warmer. She came to a dead stop when she realized something, this was the exact temperature his place was the last time she was here, and the last time she was here was when… no. She couldn't think about that. Not right now, she was on a mission. To find out why Angel was avoiding her, and why he hadn't been man enough to come confront her about his second love. All she wanted now was a bit of closure, it would have made her feel the slightest bit better.

She went around the corner a bit more, a bit closer to where the place where she caught him and Anya was. A bit closer to what she knew was going to bring back the memory, what did it matter though. That image was still burning in her mind, every hour of every day, she had to live with it. Now it was time to find the man that hurt her. She took the last few steps and stood in the exact same place she stood when she saw them. It was like nothing at all had changed except Anya wasn't there, and neither was Angel.

Buffy wanted to move, but her feet wouldn't budge. She just stood there staring at the place they were laying. Images flooded her mind of the way she was on him, the way he held her. Most of all, she could recall the emptiness in his eyes. It was always the emptiness that made her shiver, she'd never seen it before. The tears started coming to her eyes, and she shut them tight. Trying to block out everything and run, but her feet still weren't moving. Memories plagued her and before she knew it she was remembering things she hadn't about it until now. The way Anya moved on top of him, it was so flawless and so perfect. It looked so natural, yet so un natural at the same time. It was beautiful yet revolting to Buffy, she couldn't understand it, couldn't comprehend how someone could move like that. Then something happened, the images flowing through her mind turned red. The pain in her chest became much worse, almost bone splitting. She tried to scream but nothing came out, she tried to move yet again, but there was no movement. She could do nothing but stand there and watch this beautiful monster have her way with Angel, Buffy's man.

The pain was becoming too much for her to handle, her heart was in agony. Just as she thought she might explode, it was all gone. Instant calmness filled her body, and she felt hopeful, but most of all she felt loved. Loved like she hadn't been loved in a long time. Loved like Angel used to love her. Then she felt it again, him. His presence was all around her, she couldn't handle it. Agony then love, it was tearing her apart. "What are you doing to me!", she screamed into the empty room. "What do you want me to do Angel! What do you want from me? I don't know what's going on. I feel like my heart has been ripped out, stomped on and then been put back inside me to continue beating. God, where are you! I need you!"

"Buffy", came the faint response. She stopped crying all at once and listened, "Buffy, get out of here now, leave Buffy, get out get OUT, OUT, OUT!", and there was no mistaking his voice.

Buffy was so shaken up she spun around and ran as fast as she could out the door, she didn't stop at all on her way home. No tears, no cries of agony, she was completely silent. There were no more murmurs in her head, no more images of past events, everything was silent. And as she put her head down on her pillow that night, she decided that for once maybe it was time for her to go out on her own. Maybe this time, her friends couldn't help her. She was all alone, and she needed to figure out what was going on.


	5. Visitation

**The next few days went by very quickly, and Buffy felt like she was dreaming. Everyday things seemed so much harder, and she longed for the feeling of Angel by her side again. The experience she had in Angels home had seriously shaken her, and she was bound and determined to find out what it was that had spoken to her.**

"**Giles, I think there's a new demon on the loose. I need your help" Buffy said as she walked past the check-out counter in the magic shop.**

"**This doesn't have anything to do with Angel and Anya does it Buffy, I told you to stop fussing over something that is so pointless", Giles responded **

"**No, not at all. I'm so over that", she lied**

"**Well alright, tell me what's going on"**

"**Lately when I'm out slaying, I hear things. Things that aren't there. And I get these feelings. Weird feelings like there is something near me, something ghostly that is playing with my feelings and my emotions, but I can't see anything"**

"**Curious, does it ever touch you? Like does it make you feel sensations on your skin or is it purely psychologically?"**

"**So far all that happens is only psychological, I haven't felt anything… does it even matter? I just need something to make it visible, so I can fight it"**

"**Buffy, I'm afraid you can't fight this thing until we know exactly what it is we're dealing with. Am I right?"**

"**Yes, you are right but I just need something to go on. I need this to stop, it's making me crazy. Giles, I won't be able to slay right unless I get this mess under control", she took a deep breath "Just give me something, anything that I can go on and I'll try it"**

"**The only thing I can really tell you would be to use your slayer senses Buffy, try and sense this presence around you, and maybe then you will be able to defeat it", Giles took off his glasses to give them a good wipe " If I find out that this has anything to do with Angel, Buffy, you will not have any more to do with this at all, promise me. Its much more riskier then you think"**

"**What, what are you talking about? I don't understand why you all are making such a fuss about this whole Angel thing!"**

"**Leave now Buffy, I do not want to speak of this matter anymore. You must go"**

**Buffy shook her head, "Unbelievable, this is just so stupid". She stalked out of the shop. "Use my slayer senses, hah.. As if that's going to help me at all! I AM the slayer, my senses come naturally don't they?" she huffed her way down the road. "Never, would I EVER have thought Giles would be such an IDIOT! Like come on its not like I -" she stopped ranting and stared straight ahead. Anya, yet again was standing in front of her. This time though, she looked scared, "Scared like a puppy, a very guilt ridden puppy", Buffy thought out loud. **

**Not only was Anya scared, she was shaking. Right before Buffy's eyes, this demon was shaking in her shoes. Buffy took a step forward and Anya stiffened "H-h-hi Buffy, I'm in a hurry so can we just leave the small talk until next time we run each other?", she said**

"**Anya, why would you want to do that? It will just take a second", Buffy said as she walked forward. Her slayer senses were all over the place, nothing seemed right. There was a feeling that was taking her over, and she just wanted to fight. Fight and destroy. It only took another few seconds for her to realize what that feeling was, jealousy. Yet again, here she was standing face to face with the one woman on this planet that had ever been able to take Angel, to take him away from her. She wanted revenge, pure and simple. As green as ever her envy was breaking through as she took a few more steps towards Anya.**

"**Buffy, please wait! I don't know what happened! I swear, I don't know what's going on! I'm just as lost as you are" Anya screamed in terror**

"**Oh please Anya, don't play games with me. I'm the slayer remember? I don't play games, I just win", Buffy advanced on her prey, her head tilted to the right, ready for a good chase.**

"**Well really Buffy, it doesn't look like you won Angel over, considering he was 8 inches deep into me, or have you already forgotten? I'm pretty sure that's a loosing ticket right there Summers. So Why don't you do me and your friends a favour and let it go, forget about it.", Anya let out a high pitched giggle "And maybe, if you could be so kind, if you see Angel, let him know its tomorrow, and he can't forget!"**

"**Can't forget? Forget what? What's tomorrow?"**

"**Wouldn't you like to know, bye bye"**

**Anya disappeared, and left Buffy standing there with a dumbfounded look on her face. If nothing else had made her feel like crap already today, that sure did. "8 inches into me? What kind of an insult is that? Augh". Buffy's rage of jealousy still wasn't gone, and she figured what better way to use it then duties. **

**As Buffy walked through the graveyard, she tried to put some puzzle pieces together. Something was going on tomorrow night, and it had to do with Angel and Anya. Did she really want to find out what was going on? Anything that had those to put together was not her idea of a good time, but as much as she hated to think it, something was going on. It was time that she figured out what it was.**

**Without realizing it, she found herself standing in front of Angel's place. Staring at it made her remember what happened last time, how she was driven out of there by something, or someone. Angel perhaps? She couldn't decide. There was just way to much to think about. Those feelings, the voice, it was so real. It was exactly like he had been, the feelings were the exact same as they were when he was still here, with her. Only her. It was time for her to make this better, make this right. She had to get over the broken hearted mess, and make sense of everything that was happening.**

**She opened the door to the place she had been driven out of twice, and stepped inside. "So far so good", she whispered to herself as she walked further into the darkness. It seemed nothing had changed at all, nobody had been here since the last time she was here. "Where does that leave Angel" Buffy wondered. Something brushed her hand, and she shivered and jumped back. Full slayer mode kicked in and she was completely alert. Everything to do with her past with Angel, anything that may cloud her senses was pushed to the back of her mind as she moved through the room looking, and feeling for things. Any kind of clue would do.**

**She closed her eyes, and waited. Something whispered beside her, it brushed up against her and made her skin tingle. Goosebumps rose on her arms, and she took a deep breath. To anyone else these things would just mean its getting cold or maybe there was a draft. To the slayer it meant something different, to the slayer it meant a presence, a cold one. The tingle spread around all of her fingers, almost as if someone was holding her hand. She strained herself to hear the whisper again, maybe it would be something that could help her out. A tiny breeze blew past her face, all at once she was enveloped in ecstasy. That scent, it was the same scent she used to smell when she was happy. Not just happy, but purely happy. Genuinely happy. It was the same scent that brought her comfort, and made her feel warm and tingly below her belt buckle. It was the smell of Angel, and it was circling her.**

**She inhaled deeply and enjoyed all of the feelings that overwhelmed her. The feeling in her hand moved up her arms, like someone was running their hands up her. They made a trail of heat, a heat that was full of passion. She put her head back and sighed. "Buffy", It was the faint word being whispered again. The invisible hands moved around her waist and spun her around, almost as if to face someone. Buffy breathed deeply again, full of heat she kept her eyes closed to enhance her senses. The tingle traced patterns over her stomach, and moved up towards her breasts. **

**The heat on her nipples made her gasp in pleasure, and she found herself being laid down onto Angel's bed. "Buffy, baby", the words seemed to flow through the air to her with so much rhythm they were beautiful, and they belonged to her beloved. "Angel", she sighed into the darkness. Almost in response the heat rose up to her face, cupping it gently the only way Angel could have. Sending shivers down her spine, making her want it. Making her want him.**

**She opened her eyes, and stared into the darkness. No Angel. She sat up as fast as she could and crouched down, looking around for something to attack but there was nothing there. The whispers of her name were still there, but they were growing faint. "Buffy please, I love you. Please help me", he said. She looked around, the tingling in her body still there.**

"**How Angel, how do I help you? Tell me how to help you!", she cried into the dark of the room**

"**Buffy please, I need you."**

"**Angel! I need you! Don't you see? I'm breaking here, I am breaking in half! My heart is shattered. My friends, my boyfriend. They're all gone. You left me here, you left me here so you could go gallivanting with Anya!"**

"**No, Buffy. You're smarter then this, you can help. Help me! Tomorrow, sundown, you can help me Buffy, you can save me. Just remember, lucivix" **

**The room became very cold, almost like it was winter. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up and she began to shiver. This time it wasn't a good presence, it was a bad one, and she needed to get out of there. She stood up and walked for the door, but a sharp pain in her stomach made her stop. She put her hand down and covered it, but the pain only worsened. She cried out in pain and fell to her knees. She had to get out of there, and fast. She started crawling towards the door only to be dragged back into the darkness, by whom she wasn't sure. There was still nobody there.**

*******

**Please R&R, I need some inspiration! Constructive criticism is always welcome. If you're taking the time to read, please take the time to comment! Thanks.**


	6. In My Head

Fuck this shit hole, Buffy cried as she staggered out of the Magic Box. Oh Buffy, Im so sorry were all just a useless bunch of idiots, oh but dont forget your duties! Oh and stop being a child. Gee, thanks guys.

That was the VERY last time she ever went and asked them ever again. She thought maybe they were just all having a serious case of PMS last time she went in. Not this time, they were very short and rude to her. She had no idea why either, this was a huge deal. Angel was not only her lover but he was a very important person to the Scoobie Gang. She was definitely on her own now, for good. She knew what she had to do, and she was ready to do it.

***

It was about twilight, and Buffy was still wandering around trying to figure out what to do with herself until it was completely dark out. There was no point in getting ahead of herself, she didnt want any more run-ins with Sunnydales finest. Soon, Buffy found herself walking past the Bronze. All at once her breath became short, and she began to feel light headed.

It occurred to her a few days ago that all of these panic attacks werent just coincidence and heartbreak. They were being sent to her for a reason. She had to savour them while they lasted and get as much information as she possibly could from them, no matter how much it hurt her to do so. She had no choice if she ever wanted to see her baby again.

The ground started spinning in circles and she had to rest on the side of the building. It was the exact place her and Angel had first met, when he used to only come around to tell her she was in trouble. He was always in love with her though, just hiding. She remembered him telling her about this, him watching while she went through teenage stuff before finding out she was the slayer. Thinking about this was so hard, but she had to get through it.

Pictures of her and Angel side by side in the club ran through her mind, they were always so close. They started flashing, flashing so fast that she could no longer make out what they were. What happened next she was in no way prepared for.

Buffys entire body became extremely warm and she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, a feeling of bliss washed over her, so strong she almost fell over. Between her legs was beginning to get very heated and moist, she couldnt help but moan. Her knees became weak, and she crouched down beside the club holding onto the building as if it was going to crash down around her. A moan escaped her lips and she closed her eyes. She could feel the pulse, feel the throbbing. With a sudden burst of ecstasy she let out a loud scream and opened her eyes. Oh God, she said out loud.

Standing in the middle of the alley she looked around bewildered. She knew exactly what had just happened, and she knew what it meant. The only time she had ever felt like that, only time she had ever let anyone make her feel like that, was when she and Angel made love for the first time. This wasnt a reminder of how great he could make her feel, this wasnt a reminder of how amazing he was, this was something telling her what was going on. Angel was about to loose his soul.

Buffys legs were pumping hard as she hit the road in search for the one person she knew she could get to talk. Her mood (while still slightly lightened by the unexpected pleasure) wasnt exactly the greatest. If you were going to screw with her tonight, you were in for a serious ass kicking. Rounding the last corner she came to a halt and let out a sigh of relief, This wasnt going to be as hard as I thought it was, youre just to easy to find she said into the darkness.

Buffy, really. Get over it already. Came the response from the emptiness. Its not like you have to deal with this any more, youre just making things harder for yourself an- Anyas words were cut short as Buffy punched her in the face with all the force she had.

Anya, Im not going to play games anymore. Smarten the fuck up, and listen to me. No wait, better yethow about you do some of the talking okay? Tell me what is going on

You really dont know when to stop do you? There is nothing here that you dont already know

Okay have it your way, Buffy said with a very big grin on her face. Within 2 seconds of her saying that, Anya was flat on her ass in the dirt. Buffy picked her up by the collar of her shirt and gave her a hard uppercut to the jaw. Anyas head flew back and she fell to the ground once again, scrambling to her feet she started laughing. Buffy kicked her in the stomach but Anya would not shut up.

Buffy, its way to late for you. I thought maybe you would have figured it out by now. I mean really, usually these lovers have connections do they not? Apparently yours wasnt strong enough., Anya said between giggles. Wish I could help you, but fortunately I have absolutely NO will power at all to do anything for you. Buffy took two steps towards Anya and put her hand around her tiny throat. Okay, maybe if you let go just a bit, I might be able to help you, Anya managed to choke out

I was hoping youd say that, Buffy replied and loosened her grip, Now tell me whats going on

Well really, it was simple. Oh, and before I forgetAngel is great. Really. Never have I had a man satisfy me so greatly

Buffy tightened her grip on Anyas throat. I thought I told you no more games, she said to the blonde who was turning blue.

So easy, hes very gullible. Way to trust worthy, with you I mean. I doubt if it was anyone else who had walked in there and asked him to do this hed do it

What are you saying?

Why dont you just wait and find out? I think youre due in oh.. 3-2-1..

Buffys head started spinning again, she dropped Anya and staggered backwards to catch her balance. Angels place started flashing into her head, images of inside and outside. Someone walking towards the door, a satchel in hand. More flashes to him, his amazing face. Oh how beautiful he really was, she missed him.

More images of someone walking towards his door, a petite person. A girl, not quite as short as Buffy maybe just a little bit taller. Flashes of red before her eyes, and magic tools. Herbs, candles, some sort of liquid. A witch. Performing a spell right outside of Angels door.

No, stop!, Buffy cried and looked around for Anya.

Oh no, wait honey. It only gets better, was Anyas reply.

Buffy held onto a telephone pole to steady herself, getting ready for the next rush of images to invade her head. This girl, this girl was blonde. She started chanting, but Buffy needed to get a closer look. She willed herself to turn the images around so the girl no longer had her back towards Buffy. Everything became such a blur, her head hurt and she felt nauseous. The girl had a hood on, a shadow shielding her face. The words she was speaking were too different, it distorted the sound coming from her lips. Finally she looked up.

Anya.

Right before Buffys eyes pink and purple swirls danced around Anyas face, and it was no longer Anya, it was Buffy. Staring at herself she gasped and clutched at her chest which was now on fire. She fell to her knees on the pavement and put her head between her hands GET OUT OF MY HEAD, she screamed. Nobody was there to answer her.

Still more images flooded into her mind, this time of the door opening to Angel, Buffy/Anya greeting him. The door shutting with a loud thud and Buffys heart sinking. She was no longer just viewing the images, she was inside it. Dancing with the swirls inside her own head, she opened the door. Expecting Anya and Angel to be doing the same thing they were doing the last time she had walked in on them, she was horrified to see it was much worse.

There sat Willow, Buffys best friend in the whole world, reading an incantation to Anya/Buffy while she held Angel down. Buffy ran to his side and tried to touch his arm. Searing pain ripped through her body and tears poured down her face. Anya/Buffy began to kiss him, and he couldnt move at all. Her glamour started to wear off and she became just Anya once again, and Willow stopped reading.

Buffy could feel everything Angel was feeling, physical pain, emotional pain, everything. He was bound, and couldnt move. His heart breaking as Anya started taking both of their clothes off, and Buffy sat there watching as her best friend sat on the other side of the room and did nothing. Finally, Buffy realized what was happening and put the puzzle pieces together. Standing in the alley, her feeling every bit of pleasure, his heart break, the sudden outbursts of madness and pain, and lastlywhen she caught them.

Buffy stared at the door and watched as she herself opened it and slowly crept in. Peeking around the corner at the whole ordeal was the broken-hearted Buffy. Falling apart right there again, and she could feel it all, even while being in a subconscious state. The sound of Anyas laughter, Angels low grunts, and the look in his eyes. They were so different, so dark and empty.

So soul-less.

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Okay, so Im having a hard time with the updates. Im not getting many reviews and Im starting to feel like you arent enjoying it. So if you could give me some reviews and help me a long here that would be great :]

XX.


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